Friday, April 2, 2010

Day 92 - Three months - A review

Couple days late, but I still wanted to spend a few words reflecting on the last three months.

Best I can put it is that running every day has put me back in touch with myself. That is a good thing. I spend more time thinking about where I am and what I'm doing and why and if it's the right thing, than I ever have.

Here's some of what I've learned:

1) I struggle with doing what I should be doing and doing what I want to do because I could die before I finish typing this sent...

(slump)
...
(thud)
...
(gurgle)
...
"WHOA! WHAT? I'M BACK... What'd I miss?"

...ence.

The ToDo list problem. I've got no answer. I know I need to find the energy, and desire, to knock some things off that list. But there are soooo many things I want to do before I croak.

I suppose the secret is to trick myself into thinking the ToDo list is actually a Want-To-Do list. If there are any good hypnotherapists reading this blog, and why wouldn't there be, please drop me a note.

2) I'm not exactly sure where the line between "Fighting for what's right" and "Trust that life will unfold in a right and just way" is.

The American in me wants to bend life to my will and make, let's just use the generic and slightly euphemistic term "people", understand that what they are doing is wrong. That's the American way. I'm right. You're wrong. Now shut up and do it my way.

The budding Buddhist in me says that the last thing a negative situation needs is more negativity. I should step back, let "people" do their damage, and trust that in the long run, and maybe not-so-long run, things will work out as they should.

Who knows, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe my version of "right" isn't really right.

I know, I doubt that, too, but still...

Being a pacifist in American society is like being a doormat at a rodeo... you're gonna get stepped on and probably have crap rubbed in your face.

3) Life is too damn short.

Live it.

Now.

Seriously, go!

Why are you still here?

What? Yeeesh... Ok, two more...

4) Change is inevitable.

My house is on a dead end street. At the dead end end is "the woods". The first bit of woods is a scraggly not attractive bush that I habitually tag on my cool down. It's an OCD thing. For months it has been especially unattractive, being all thin and winter-naked. Today, it sprouted little leaflets.

Change is constant. Usually for the good. Sometimes, not so much. But change is inevitable.

Don't fight it. Embrace it. Or at least roll with it.

5) Change is easy.

Every day is a fresh start.

The only thing keeping you from changing is yourself. Don't listen to anyone who says you can't. That includes the most persistent of all... that little voice in your head.

And if you can't get over the hump today, try again tomorrow. After your run.

Good running,
Doug


Numbers: 1.3 miles on grass and trail, taking it easy on some blisters and nursing the tight-as-a-banjo-string achilles.