Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Day 104 - The Deck

First, I need to give a little props to the evening run. I spent a few paragraphs putting it down the other day. I neglected two distinct advantages to running in the evening.

First, after the evening run, I'm in no hurry. I can lounge around in my shorty short running shorts (Ewwww!) for as long as I want.

Second, unlike a morning run, a post evening run dose of Vitamin B won't get people whispering behind your back about how you "might have a problem."

By the way, this evening's run/blog is unofficially and non-financially supported by Bell's Oberon. Awesomeness in a brown bottle. Plus there's a sun on the label, which makes you feel all summery.

Speaking of feeling all summery... you know the best part about not being depressed?

It's gonna sound obvious, but, honestly, the best part is that you don't feel so damn depressed all the time.

I know. Mind blowing, isn't it? And I'm only on my first Oberon!

Let's use look at an example from my life to illustrate my point, as I am known to do, on occasion...

I've been in my house for 8 years. My house has a bitchin' screened in porch/deck. Shortly after moving in, I bought a futon (don't laugh) for the deck. It was cheap inexpensive. Not terribly comfortable. But it served its purpose. That purpose being not just a place to sit, but a place to sit with the promise of sleeping on the deck... one day.

That's right... when I bought the house, one of the things I had in mind was, on occasion, sleeping semi-outdoors.

For 8 years that futon sat on the deck. I'd clean off the cushion every spring. A few times I sat out there and read for an hour. But for the most part, the futon was unused and forgotten.

Worse, it was a symbol of a life I'd hoped for but never made happen.

Well, times are a changin'.

It started with a vigorous cleaning, with help and prodding from the girlfriend.

Keep in mind, the deck's been clean before, only to sit unused. Only to get dirty again.

This time, it was put to use... directly... that evening...

We drug out the Mac and watched Weeds on streaming Netflix for a couple hours with a delightful bottle of red.

It was calming. It was serene. It was really, really cool.

The deck was coming alive.

A couple nights later, on a gorgeous evening, we were looking forward to eating outside at Bub's. Unfortunately, so was the rest of Hamilton County. The wait was an hour. Easy.

Did we let that get us down? Heck no! We got Bub's to go and ate it ... you guessed it... on the deck.

That brings us to last night. Sitting on the deck, which is now common place, discussing our days and problems and kids and successes and making fun of the dog, we realized that the night was perfect.

It was quiet and cool and bug free and excuse free.

It was decided. We were going to sleep (mostly) outside!

Without any advanced planning we had the futon ready for a cozy campout in minutes.

The dog? Minorly freaked out. For a creature who spends half the night wanting to go out, being out all night was a little too much. Several times she pawed at the door to go in. She was very, very confused.

I slept like a baby who slept really really well.

It was everything I'd thought it would be 8 years ago when I first imagined it.

And it wouldn't have been possible 5 months ago.

Depression makes everything seem hard and not worth it. Mole hills look like impassable mountains. Dreams seem frivolous and pointless. You become hopeless, as in without hope.

But let me tell ya, when you shake that shit off, well, even then it takes a little nudge. You're so used to not reaching for what you want that you forget how.

But when you do find the opportunity and courage and energy to flip that depression the bird, it is totally liberating.

If you catch yourself dismissing something that used to be a goal or a dream or a hope, think twice.

Better yet, don't think at all, just do it.

Ooop, time for another Oberon. This one will be consumed on the deck.

Good running,

Numbers: 1.7 evening miles with the dog on mostly grass and trails, with a little road and track mixed in for good measure.