When I was in Orlando a couple of weeks ago, and I went on that gorgeous golf course run with Seth, we returned to the hotel through the pool doors that pass by the fitness center. I was shocked and saddened to see people running on the treadmills. They had a perfect morning and a wonderful resort to run in. Instead, they chose to run indoors, to nowhere.
You know the scene... 6 or so "top of the line" treadmills lined up along the window looking out over a beautiful view. It's such a blatant example of self-delusion it needs to be mocked. So here I go...
I mock you, treadmillers!
Not as satisfying as I'd hoped.
What are these people doing? Are they running? Not in my book. Running requires movement. This is a substitute for running. A safe, insulated, bastardization of a perfectly natural act.
Ok, treadmills have their place... if you're getting a stress test done, use a treadmill. If you can't run outside safely because of ice or violence, use a treadmill. If you need to do some serious hill training and you live in the Midwest, use a treadmill.
Otherwise, don't kid yourself, you aren't running. You are standing still and moving your legs. And probably watching Oprah.
Treadmills are to running, what Bud Light is to beer, what Kidz Bop is to music, what blowup dolls are to sex.
And for crying out loud, DO NOT buy a treadmill for home. Please, I beg you. Take that $1000 and go on a trip somewhere beautiful and interesting and run a 5K.
And for that matter, be on the look out for other substitutes for reality in your everyday life.
- TV is not a substitute for dinner conversation.
- American Idol is not entertainment or good music, it's voyeurism and karaoke.
- Chili's is not a restaurant, it's a bar that happens to let kids in.
- Cats are not dogs.
- Neither cats nor dogs are children.
- Conversations do not happen via email.
- Or text messages.
- Tweets are not news.
- Neither is opinion.
- True love comes from deep within, not from the surface. It's an urge to give, not to take. It's a feeling of warmth, not a tingle.
- Star Trek is not Star Wars.
Numbers: 3.7 miles on pavement.