Thursday, December 30, 2010

Day 364 - Press Conference

Press Conference Transcript

Doug of DougRun365: I'd like to thank you all for coming. I have a brief statement and then I'll be taking a few questions.

As some of you may know, I've been running and writing every day this year.

No?

Seriously? No one?

Doesn't matter… I've been running, outside, every day so far this year, and writing every day as well. Ok, I've posted something to the blog every day. I'm not sure I can call each and every post "writing".

Anyway, as 2010 draws to a close, I wanted to come forward with something… personal.

I'm blind.

(Collective Gasp)

I've been blind for the last 6 years. I lost my vision when I was attacked by a rouge beaver. Bastard clawed my eyes right out.

I know, crazy, right?

Ok… I'll take questions now… Yes, you in the back.

The Only Reporter to Show Up: Uh, yeah… Don't you mean "rogue" beaver? Or were you in fact attacked by a beaver wearing makeup?

Oh, and if you're blind, how did you know I had my hand up for a question?

Doug: Yes, thank you, I meant "rogue", not "rouge". I mix those two up a lot. And... um, yeah... heh, heh... you got me. I'm not actually blind.

(Collective harrumphs)

Doug: Here's the deal… some people with very little else to do have been reading this blog for months, a few have been reading all year. I felt like they deserved some type of big finish… a surprise ending… you know, a big reveal… something to justify the time they've spent reading 365 day's worth of rambling sputum, touristy snapshots, and an exhibitionistic fountain fetish.

Reporter: That's stupid. I'm leaving.

Doug: Wait! Wait a minute. Truth is, the year is going to end. The streak will be over. It's been a fantastic experience, for me, but I imagine it'll be a little anti-climatic for those above average looking readers out there.

Reporter: You called a press conference for this? Are you retarded?

Doug: Think that would make a good story?

Reporter: No.

Doug: Then no, I'm definitely not retarded.

Reporter: I'm not so sure.

Doug: Look. The streak will just, stop. There isn't a big finish. There's no trophy presentation. It just ends. And that's fine by me. That chapter will end and another will begin. I'll keep running, and I'll keep writing, but sure as hell not every day. But to have it just end... I just thought that it might leave those people who've followed this little adventure wishing for some type of, I don't know… closure.

Reporter: I've got your closure, right here…jackass.

(Door slams)

Doug (speaking to an empty room): Maybe a "Best of" post…

Good running,
Doug

P.S. All readers are welcome to the "Glad that's over/365th run is done" gathering at Brockway Pub in Carmel at noon on Friday. That's tomorrow, people. No running required.

Numbers: 6.3 miles, through slushy slop, in shorts!