Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Day 349 - Gods, Conspiring

A conversation among deities that I'm pretty sure took place yesterday evening, just before I headed out for my run...

Streak Wrecking God: Dude, you're doing some serious havoc in the Midwest. Ku-f'in-dos!

God of Weather: Thanks, man. It was easy, really. Three words... "Canadian air mass."

SWG: No doubt. (Fist bump) Sweet how God of Physics worked in the salt and water trick.

GofW: Yeah, wicked stuff. Can't believe that running dude didn't take the hint. What a moron...

SWG: I know! Right?!? Who runs with frostbite. I really thought we had him. He is way more retarded than we gave him credit for.

GofW: Well, that was my best shot. Got anything else cookin'?

SWG: Nah, I'm bored with this dude. Every day, same crap. What the hell's he trying to prove, anyway?

God of HVAC: Excuse me... I couldn't help overhearing... I may be able to help out, and I love messing with muggles.

SWG: Watcha got?

GofHVAC: You almost had him with the frostbite, right? Let's f$ck with his head this time... I'll take his furnace out.

GofW: Oh, man... no. That's just cruel.

SWG: Screw you, wuss. Let's do it!

GofHVAC: Ok, here's the plan... when he's out on his run... Oh! Oh! I'll get my cousin, The Shoe Angel, to keep his toes warm while he's out there... that'll lull him into a nice vulnerable false sense of security... then, I'll seize up the blower motor in his furnace.

GofW: Guys, seriously... I've got it all programmed to go down to like 2F tonight, and I can't back it out now. Give the guy a...

SWG: Whoa, Weather Fairy... if you don't have the stomach for it, go fart a thunderstorm or something.

Satan: I'll handle the repair service, as usual. Aaaaaand done... I've removed all compatible blower motors from every service truck in the county... It'll be 24 hours before he gets one.

SWG: Enjoy your run, streak boy.

(and, scene)

Good running,

Numbers: 2.0 miles, taking it easy after stretching appointment, and 24 hours of frozen hell. Oh, and screw you Bryant. Good news is that as I type this, I have a working furnace again. Nice try boys. Seriously, excellent effort... did NOT see that coming.