Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Gravity Sucks

I trip more than anyone I know.

Seriously, I hit the ground more often than a toddler, those little people named for the fact that they don't walk well.

Happened again this morning. Out on an easy 4 miler with the Back on My Feet gang, crossed a street, caught a curb.

Thing is, I don't just fall. It takes a good 5 seconds and 30 feet for me to make my way to the ground. Arms flailing, legs flopping out giant clown steps, all in a ridiculous, and frivolous effort to avoid the unavoidable. You can imagine someone watching... "Uh... Uh... Uh... Yes.. Maybe.. Uh... Uh... Nooooh, too bad. Thought he might have had it there for a second."

I suppose the deranged acrobatics might slow me down enough to save a couple square inches of skin, but I'm not sure it's worth the humiliation. I'm already falling down. A grown man, tripping over a curb, with alarming frequency. Do I really want to make it more of a spectacle?

It's not that I'm not looking where I'm going. I don't trip over obvious curbs. Somehow my toe finds the lowest obstacles. The tiny root, the bump in the sidewalk, the ever-so-slightly misaligned wedge of handicap curbing.
Like this, but more... trippy.

Perhaps I droop my toes when I run. Or maybe I'm just wuh-huh-haaay more clumsy that anyone else I know.

I'd like to say that I've accepted it as just the way I am, it's just the way I run, it's how I'm built. But if that were the case, I wouldn't be surprised when it happens. Or pissed. I'm always pissed when I trip. Know why? Cause it hurts! And when you're body's out of warranty, it doesn't just hurt for a few minutes, it hurts for a few days. For the rest of the week I'll get a little jabbing reminders of my inability to master bipedal locomotion every time I stand up, or bend over, or breath.

I am gravity's bitch.

Good running,

PS - For those who have donated to Back on My Feet Indianapolis, a huge "Thank You", as well as a post to honor you all, coming soon. For those who haven't donated yet, or don't know what I'm talking about, please click here to learn more and please consider giving a dollar or two for an insanely worthy cause.

Images from here, and here.