Saturday, July 26, 2014

That runner or this runner?

I've said it before... starting to run can be tough, if you aren't patient.

So, too, can restarting your running.

The problem is, it's a hell of a lot harder to be patient when you are restarting. You know how fast you used to be. You remember how effortless it was. You want to get back there, to be that runner again... now!

Thing is, you'll never be that runner again.

Oh, you may be fast again. You can be fit again. But that runner wasn't who you were meant to be.

You're journey has left that runner back on the trail somewhere. Now you get to discover who this runner is.

The past can be hard to let go of, no doubt. Coated in the varnish of time and conveniently forgotten hardships, the good old times call to us.

I used to be reasonably fast. The training pace, hell the warm-up pace of that runner, would have this runner puking up his Wheaties* in a mile.

I was fast because I ran all the time. I ran hard most of the time. I loved the feeling, physical and mental, after a hard, fast, run.

That was a different time. My marriage was crumbling. I knew it was failing. I was scared and I was sad and I was miserable.

I ran, then, to feel good. I ran to leave the misery and fear for an hour or so. I was running away from my life.

Today, I don't have anything to fear. I am far from miserable. Now my life is filled with many things to do, many responsibilities, and a reborn career that excites me and energizes me.

My running has been on a slow decline the past few years, and I've found myself comparing how I run today to how I ran back then.

I do want to be that runner again.

But I sure as hell don't want to have that life again. And that runner was forged from that life.

I've left that runner, and that life, far behind.

This runner isn't nearly as fast, but I get the same joy, the same mental calm, the same physical warmth and strength from a good hard run. Screw pace, a hard run is a hard run.

We need to acknowledge, and accept, that our lives will change our running just as running changes our lives. Don't fight the change, experience it fully. Don't blame running, or your life, or your body, for not being what they used to be.

Welcome the change to all three, and value what each gives to you.

Good running,

*I don't eat Wheaties anymore, but I may start again... I love Wheaties.